||[Feb. 11th, 2005|05:21 pm]
the real time strategy
Nobody has been updating in here =\ Well, I kind of have a problem and since a lot of you ae older than me, I'm just wondering what you think.
Well...I thought I'd never be saying this but, there's a possibility that Jovan likes me. Jovan is a guy that I have liked for about about 2 months. It's not something that seems totally bizarre, because in basketball he smiles at me a lot, and he's bumped into me a lot, he passes to me even though I don't make many baskets, and he's never rude to me. He's always so sweet. And in basketball yesterday, after I made a shot, he smiled and said "good job" and like...clapped. Then when he was walking away, Jude goes up to him and goes "So you like that one?" He either said "one" or "girl." I can't remember. Yeah that's not really a good reason for me to think that he lieks me but I don't know...I just have a feeling he does. I'm pretty sure he likes me. But I keep doubting it. I don't want to get my expectations high, and I feel like such a moron even thinking he likes me. I mean, I just can't imagine anyone ever liking me. I'm not trying to put myself down but it's just that I have no guy friends, I rarely talk to guys, and I'm just not the kind of girl that guys swarm all over. In fact, there really isn't anyone I can remember that has liked me. I mean, my little neighbor did but it was just like a crush kind of thing...like "oh your pretty I like you." And my brother's friend Anthony (one year younger than me) used to like me, my brother said but idk. It's just weird. So as of now, I don't know what to think. I guess there really is nothing to think.
Problem is: my friend Kelly likes Jovan. Or at least that is what I think. I mean, she says she likes him but she never talks about him, and even talks about other guys as if she likes them. I don't see how you can like more than one guy and really mean it when you say that you like them. I couldn't concentrate on my homework yesterday because I was thinking about Jovan and what I had heard that day. I like him a lot. But I just don't know if Kelly likes him as much as I do or anything but I don't know. It's all so weird. She liked him first, and that's what bothers me. I told her I liked him (I got up the nerve to tell her) and she was all kidding around but she was like "NICOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Now can you imagine if Jovan asked me out? I don't think he will, but let's just say he did. What would I do? Say yes? Say no? Ask Kelly first? I'm just so confused and I'm really not liking this. I like him a lot; but we're not even friends. I want to be his friend because he's such a nice guy and he seems like a fun person to talk to. If he were to ask me out ever, what would I do? Would it be stupid of me if I said yes when I don't even know him? What would everyone think of me then? Just some stupid girl who is desperate for a boyfriend? But I'm not...this whole matter really bothers me. I've cried about it. I am just going crazy. I just want the flat out truth: Does he like me or not? I don't like all this anxiety. I just hope we can become friends for now. I'm just so bothered by this now, you wouldn't believe it.
Today was our last day of basketball. The last day I'll probably talk to Jovan. Damnit. Why can't he be in my classes? His locker is right next to mine. I feel like writing him a note but I'd never get up the nerve to do that. We barely ever talk.
I got my s.s. quiz back today....got a 73. I've been doing so fricken bad lately...I just got a D+ on the test, and now a 73? Shit, I bet I'm getting kicked out of advanced classes. I hate how I've been doing so bad lately. I don't know what has gotten in to me. Today we took a Science test. I am literally going to cry if I do bad. I got my report card and this second marking period, I've gotten ALL A's. That's good but now I'm so nervous for what 3rd marking period is gonna hold for me.
Well my mind is just going to burst with all this stuff I am thinking about. Thanks for listening =\