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the real time strategy

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First post, yay. [Jan. 27th, 2005|09:22 pm]
the real time strategy

the_rts

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[the beat i live by |Scarling - Baby Dracula]

Earlier this week one of my teachers started asking me about my home life. About my parents, siblings, who I live with, and about my past. I thought it was sort of wierd, but I answered truthfully anyways. I told her my parents had me when they were young and split up. My father left the country, and I was left with my mom.



I moved around a lot between family members (alcoholic aunts, sexually abusive cousins, verbally abusive grandmothers, etc) because my mom couldn't take care of me and my sister because of her drug addiction, I didn't understand why I had to leave all the time so it really hurt me.



Anyways, after going through all that, when I was 13 I spent 2 years in The Dominican Republic to meet my dad. He got married and had two other kids so he has his own life now and I guess I sort of intrude on that. The two years I spent there, I lived with my grandparents and I was really happy, I had made a lot of real friends and I had my first love so when I had to leave to Puerto Rico (where I'm currently living) I was distraught. All I did was lay in bed all day and cry. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't eat, or go out or anything until I just decided to get over it. Which I never really did.



Now, I've been here almost 2 years and I haven't made a single friend, I don't talk or mingle with anyone in school because I know I'll move more sooner than later and I don't want to go through that again. In the 4 years I've been away from my mother she's never called even though I've always made it possible for her to call. The only information I get on her is from my Aunt, who calls to tell me my mothers drug problem has worsened and/or she's in the hospital because her boyfriend hits her. I really hate my 'mother', and the next phone call I want is the authorities telling me she's finally dead.



After I told all this to my teacher she suggested that I go to therapy. I'm not sure, I feel fine and I only get my little 'break downs' every now and then. Any opinions?
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Comments:
From: xbreakmyfall
2005-01-28 01:59 am (UTC)
Well, I am just kind of surprised that you want your mother dead..I mean I know you hate her, but just be careful what you wish for...

I think you should try and talk to people because you seem very lonely, and even if you do end up moving, maybe you can keep in touch with a few people? I think having a good friend would be very helpful so you could express your feelings, and have someone to share your thoughts with.

As for the therapy thing, I think you should do what you think is best...I hope that made sense. If you are feeling very depressed and angry, you might want to try therapy, but if you feel fine except for certain times, just do what you think is best. <33
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[User Picture]From: apricanicus
2005-01-29 02:44 am (UTC)
therapy should be your choice, i mean when people say 'therapy' you think its a bad thing, but its not. i mean all your doing is talking to someone, whats the harm in that? plus theyre a professional, so even better. i think talking is the best thing, so i think you should 'try' a therapist, and if you dont like it, you dont have to continue.

_ian
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