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the real time strategy

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(no subject) [Sep. 11th, 2005|02:54 pm]
the real time strategy

apricanicus
how many peopel read this girme these days?
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2005|04:30 pm]
the real time strategy

apricanicus
OH MY FUCKING GOD WOW LOOK AT THE PROGRESS OF THE_RTS!!!!!


fuck yeah!








































































woohoo!!!
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(no subject) [Feb. 11th, 2005|05:21 pm]
the real time strategy
xbreakmyfall
[im feeling |anxiousanxious]

Nobody has been updating in here =\ Well, I kind of have a problem and since a lot of you ae older than me, I'm just wondering what you think.



Well...I thought I'd never be saying this but, there's a possibility that Jovan likes me. Jovan is a guy that I have liked for about about 2 months. It's not something that seems totally bizarre, because in basketball he smiles at me a lot, and he's bumped into me a lot, he passes to me even though I don't make many baskets, and he's never rude to me. He's always so sweet. And in basketball yesterday, after I made a shot, he smiled and said "good job" and like...clapped. Then when he was walking away, Jude goes up to him and goes "So you like that one?" He either said "one" or "girl." I can't remember. Yeah that's not really a good reason for me to think that he lieks me but I don't know...I just have a feeling he does. I'm pretty sure he likes me. But I keep doubting it. I don't want to get my expectations high, and I feel like such a moron even thinking he likes me. I mean, I just can't imagine anyone ever liking me. I'm not trying to put myself down but it's just that I have no guy friends, I rarely talk to guys, and I'm just not the kind of girl that guys swarm all over. In fact, there really isn't anyone I can remember that has liked me. I mean, my little neighbor did but it was just like a crush kind of thing...like "oh your pretty I like you." And my brother's friend Anthony (one year younger than me) used to like me, my brother said but idk. It's just weird. So as of now, I don't know what to think. I guess there really is nothing to think.



Problem is: my friend Kelly likes Jovan. Or at least that is what I think. I mean, she says she likes him but she never talks about him, and even talks about other guys as if she likes them. I don't see how you can like more than one guy and really mean it when you say that you like them. I couldn't concentrate on my homework yesterday because I was thinking about Jovan and what I had heard that day. I like him a lot. But I just don't know if Kelly likes him as much as I do or anything but I don't know. It's all so weird. She liked him first, and that's what bothers me. I told her I liked him (I got up the nerve to tell her) and she was all kidding around but she was like "NICOLE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Now can you imagine if Jovan asked me out? I don't think he will, but let's just say he did. What would I do? Say yes? Say no? Ask Kelly first? I'm just so confused and I'm really not liking this. I like him a lot; but we're not even friends. I want to be his friend because he's such a nice guy and he seems like a fun person to talk to. If he were to ask me out ever, what would I do? Would it be stupid of me if I said yes when I don't even know him? What would everyone think of me then? Just some stupid girl who is desperate for a boyfriend? But I'm not...this whole matter really bothers me. I've cried about it. I am just going crazy. I just want the flat out truth: Does he like me or not? I don't like all this anxiety. I just hope we can become friends for now. I'm just so bothered by this now, you wouldn't believe it.



Today was our last day of basketball. The last day I'll probably talk to Jovan. Damnit. Why can't he be in my classes? His locker is right next to mine. I feel like writing him a note but I'd never get up the nerve to do that. We barely ever talk.



I got my s.s. quiz back today....got a 73. I've been doing so fricken bad lately...I just got a D+ on the test, and now a 73? Shit, I bet I'm getting kicked out of advanced classes. I hate how I've been doing so bad lately. I don't know what has gotten in to me. Today we took a Science test. I am literally going to cry if I do bad. I got my report card and this second marking period, I've gotten ALL A's. That's good but now I'm so nervous for what 3rd marking period is gonna hold for me.

Well my mind is just going to burst with all this stuff I am thinking about. Thanks for listening =\
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2005|02:28 pm]
the real time strategy
xbreakmyfall
[im feeling |happyhappy]
[the beat i live by |Cold-Crossfade]

Have you guys heard of the song "Cold" by Crossfade? It's really good....he..he. Just felt like sharing.

Have any of you seen Meet the Fockers? I might see it this weekend.
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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2005|11:15 am]
the real time strategy

apricanicus
alright, so i been thinking about this for a while:


what has more nicknames the penis or the vagina?


i think the wanker has more nicknames
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First post, yay. [Jan. 27th, 2005|09:22 pm]
the real time strategy

starbelow
[im feeling |thankfulthankful]
[the beat i live by |Scarling - Baby Dracula]

Earlier this week one of my teachers started asking me about my home life. About my parents, siblings, who I live with, and about my past. I thought it was sort of wierd, but I answered truthfully anyways. I told her my parents had me when they were young and split up. My father left the country, and I was left with my mom.



I moved around a lot between family members (alcoholic aunts, sexually abusive cousins, verbally abusive grandmothers, etc) because my mom couldn't take care of me and my sister because of her drug addiction, I didn't understand why I had to leave all the time so it really hurt me.



Anyways, after going through all that, when I was 13 I spent 2 years in The Dominican Republic to meet my dad. He got married and had two other kids so he has his own life now and I guess I sort of intrude on that. The two years I spent there, I lived with my grandparents and I was really happy, I had made a lot of real friends and I had my first love so when I had to leave to Puerto Rico (where I'm currently living) I was distraught. All I did was lay in bed all day and cry. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't eat, or go out or anything until I just decided to get over it. Which I never really did.



Now, I've been here almost 2 years and I haven't made a single friend, I don't talk or mingle with anyone in school because I know I'll move more sooner than later and I don't want to go through that again. In the 4 years I've been away from my mother she's never called even though I've always made it possible for her to call. The only information I get on her is from my Aunt, who calls to tell me my mothers drug problem has worsened and/or she's in the hospital because her boyfriend hits her. I really hate my 'mother', and the next phone call I want is the authorities telling me she's finally dead.



After I told all this to my teacher she suggested that I go to therapy. I'm not sure, I feel fine and I only get my little 'break downs' every now and then. Any opinions?
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2005|07:22 pm]
the real time strategy
xbreakmyfall
[im feeling |okayokay]
[the beat i live by |Cold-Crossfade]

Well I said I'd update so here I am...

Okay so there is this girl that is really just pissing me off now...let's just call her Leah. Well, from 5th to 6th grade, Leah and I were the best of friends and would IM, call, and e-mail each other nearly every day. We would do stuff together so much, and we felt like sisters. I took her to see a concert, I took her to a Barnes and Noble midnight party for Harry Potter, we had so many sleepovers, and birthday parties, and basically just spent as much time as we could together. Then that's when 7th grade came around...

Leah started hanging out with this other girl, and gradually, the phone calls stopped, the IMS were less frequent, adn we didn't hang out as much. I was devastated because I still considered her my best friend, although I knew I wasn't her best friend anymore. I tried calling her, but when I did, I would always hang up after awhile, feeling depressed because she sounded so bored while talking to me, and I could hear her typing to her friends online in the background. Everytime I'd call her, it would be like this, and sometimes we'd go for about a minute and a half silent. It was horrible. She never called me and I hated talking to her on the phone, so I just stopped calling her. We had so many fights this year, and she claimed I made her cry in school (she did cry) and pretty much, everyone avoided me and seemed to hate me. She has this kind of power over everyone else, and if I wasn't friends with Leah, and I was angry with her, the whole world would be angry with me. Leah made fun of the way I walked, and the purse I had, and she would always call me stupid. She brung down my self-esteem so much, I was depressed almost every day. She would comment with a bored "cool" everytime I tried to tell ehr something exciting, or showed her a sketch I made. (and according to my other friends, I draw extremely well)Leah made me feel like shit so much, I started writing in a journal, to try and let go all of my emotions onto pieces of paper. The journal filled up so fast and I found that I loved to keep journals, because I could say what I truly felt.

In the summer after 7th grade, Leah and I got into small arguments as she drifted further away from me. I did all that I could to keep our friendship alive but she never seemed interested. She was happy with her new friends, and her "new life" Now, in 8th grade, it seems things have gotten worst. Today, I have not spoken ONE WORD to her today in school, and she has not said one word back to me. She now has a boyfriend, and even her other friends are starting to realize her true self. She is very selfish, and loves to be dramatic, and have people pity her. She always tries to make her life seem so devastating when she has a pretty good life. She never talks to me anymore...not even on AIM. I have imed her a few times but she barely replies. I ask her how she is, she says "fine" and doesn't even ask me the same question back. She loves to talk about her boyfriend nonstop and how they have made ou on his bed in the dark. She has changed so much from the girl I knew in 5th grade. I am tired of trying to constantly reach her, and strengthen our friendship because she never seems interested. She is very cold to me and I am sick of it. I want to fight with ehr (verbally) just to show her everything I feel because she doesn't know..I don't tell her because she always blows me off with a "You're too sensitive, geez." But I don't want to argue with her, because then she makes my days living hell...with talking about me loud enough so I cna know she is talkign about me, and trying to get people to not talk to me. I'm just sick of it all and I don't knwo what to do. Please help. She's caused me so much pain.

-Nicole
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2005|05:35 am]
the real time strategy

apricanicus
update meeee.
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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2005|09:32 pm]
the real time strategy

apricanicus
satan satan satan. any comments?


i asked my teacher a few days ago:

what would you rather do:
fall face first into a pile of poop
or
fall down a flight of stairs


he said poop cause stairs can leave lasting hurts.
i agree.

so hows everyone's life. i call this a life poll, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest. hows everyones life as of today? mines about a 7.
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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2005|12:20 pm]
the real time strategy
xbreakmyfall
[im feeling |cheerfulcheerful]
[the beat i live by |Vermillion-Slipknot]

Lots of snow! Wow...I highly doubt I'll have school tomorrow. That's awesome ;)

-Vermillion, by Slipknot is a really good song ;)
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